Afraid NeuroExam

I am so annoyed at myself for not being good at this!

I am not used to failing and I am so scared that I am loosing faith that I won’t fail. I need 96/120 or 80/100 in the neurology exam (it depends on the number of items) I am so scared. Scared for my whole freaking life right now.

And I can only express it here. I guess. I hate telling people my insecurities. I mean maybe sometimes to my sister when I am in the mood or if I just kept on thinking about it over and over again that I really have to tell someone. And that someone is my sister.

Blood makes it all right because they have no choice but to love you no matter what. But friends?, College or highschool? That is a completely another story.

I am just not comfortable enough to share those thoughts. Not yet. Not now, and maybe not ever.

Finals

Well, it's the finals week and I have been studying (more like cramming). And within the week, I have met up with my high school friends twice. Too many times than I dare to even imagine to spend time (and a lot of money) with them. It feels weird, knowing that I just realized that they will be a considerable part of my life. huh. Actually, I never thought I would continue to get in touch with them after college but here we are now. Still going to Starbucks for catch-ups and what-nots.

Friends really are forever.
Hahaha I can't believe I just realized that now, and what I meant this time is with conviction and real evidence from my real life and not just from stories, fan fictions or mangas.

I feel like I'm the most skeptical open minded person. (contradictions, although I'm probably not the only one)

Back to Histology :)

After doing it so many times, faking your emotions gets easier.

BOO

That is Blood of Olympus, the last book of the Heroes of Olymous book series. And I have not yet bought it *sad face*

But I was able to read it during our pseudosembreak, we were at BGC and naturally we drifted to Fully Booked. There were a lot of BOO copies and I just had to sit down and read it. I only had a few hours left of the day so I decided to only read Nico's part, or the ones where his name appears.

I swear everytime I remember Nico and his ending of the book, I get teary-eyed. Finally he has a sort-of-happy ending. And this time with a new "love interest"! I got on that ship faster than a speeding bullet! Solangelo (nico di angelo/will solace) is such a cute pairing! And I love how will is a son of Apollo and he is a medic! So yay for associations with my profession! I love their dynamics and how Nico was able to finally tell Percy about his crush on him and how he let his crush go, and then suddenly a new one arises. Sure it was just a small hint, but that hint is already a great big show sign for us fangirls!

Of course, med life has not been so forgiving for all my dalliances with other things except for medical related things. We have upcoming Neuro pracs and long exam that I should really concentrating on because I have a failing grade. I do not want to repeat this subject! So help me God!

After this Neuro thing I am giving myself some luxury by either watching some tv shows and/or reading some solangelo fanfics.
Happy Nico is my drug and I need it like I need food.

I'm Tired

I'm tired of screwing myself over and over again. I know I want high grades but I'm not studying. Instead I sleep, watch a movie or a series. Or go to the internet and tumblr. Even when I don't have anything going on. I don't study. I hate myself so much.

Week Update

I think it has been quite a while, or a few days since I wrote something here.
This is actually surprising because a year or a few months would pass before I remember about his blog again and write something.

This week has been weird. I mean, it is kinda like the mellow week before the next week when we have our Physiology long exam and our Biochemistry departmental, and the following week with a ton of exams and practicals.

So what we did for this week was our lab conference reports. In physiology, I actually got praised by Dr. Cuizon. This was really surprising and both the class and Dr. Campomanes were shocked and I felt great with a side of guilty. I have never responded well when I did well and my friends didn't. Ana got a big lecture about her 4 minute overtime in her report. I mean, I thought that she should have known that she should only report for three minutes, but she prepared 20 slides in her powerpoint. I know that my report should only last 5 minutes, so I prepared 7 slides. Sure, she screwed up, and she also had a fault in it, and I shouldn't feel bad, but I do. ugh, survivor's guilt.

Aside from feeling survivor's guilt, I was feeling proud as well. I finished my report at exactly 5 minutes. Practicing the night before gave me a really good shot. Yeay!

We had a sleepover at Ana's last night. It was fun! There was food, chips and chocolate. I love sleepovers! and especially at someone's with a lot of stacked food in their house. yay!
Of course there was a matter of class with Dr. Maglonzo the following day, but whatever! I was the last to sleep that night.

We are probably gonna change our research already. And we have to hustle to get the paper done by November 3. It's gonna be a validation study, because we are gonna make a tool for assessment of Health-seeking behavior. yay or nay? I hope we can get through this.

Here's to October!

F*CKING thesis

I cannot mention enough how I hate doing thesis. Or research work Or DEFENSE!!!
UGH. My entire life is now back on the sinking ship of my despair. I cannot believe I let my hopes up for finishing my powepoint and anatomy sgd part with still 3 hours before Monday.
I was happy then I got a sudden reminder that there would be defense of our proposal TWO fucking WEEKS from now.

Ugh, there is no such thing as a happy place.
Plus, I know that we got a good grade last defense but that was a one-hit-wonder! I don't know if I am capable of doing such again! I don't even care about the thesis right now and the author of the questionnaire has not replied with the validity or reliability of their questionnaire. I hate myself.