Not Knowing

Yes, I have been slacking off. Yes, I have sacrificed quizzes and study times for my laziness.
And yes, it has bitten me so hard in my ego.
We have our little (or is it little when we are about 16-18 people) study group in Cafe Khivan. It's a neat coffee shop, I like studying there. They have this awesome wooden furniture, it's not so comfy that one could fall asleep there, so very conducive for studying!

We rent a room so that our study session could be more private and easier to make noise without disturbing other customers.
Today we were studying Anatomy and Histology because of practicals and long exam, respectively. I am usually quite because I do not know anything, well only a few things but now so much as the others.
And that one time, I try to say something, it comes out wrong. Not is it only wrong but I have confused the word with something else. UGH, embarrassing!!! and it was recorded!

Yes, grabe ang pagka-LUTANG ko.

I do not want that to happen again!
I need to put more effort in my Anatomy!
And my Histology. Well, in short everything!

Being Destructive

There are so many ways that I could start this, but really I hate how I am putting myself up for another sacrifice. It's a bit shallow, but I do care for my grades, and here I am, I skipped my make-up Physio class and the remaining time I had, I used it for sleep, read fan fiction and watch season 3 of Awkward.

I will come back to this post one day and totally blame myself.

song inspiration: Break the Rules
"I don't want to go to school, I just want to break the rules"

Maybe my rebellion phase has not fully gone away. (If you call not studying and not doing anything productive, a rebellion) God, I am lame.

New things

I got this little blog of mine a new name and a new look. Although not that much effort has been placed, (after all, I just hovered my mouse on a design and template and clicked the one that I like more) I like the idea of new things. A new outlook maybe?

Whatever, this kind of attitude of mine only last for a short time.

Awkward

I just marathon-ed two seasons of Awkward in two nights. It is already a feat that I am both proud of and dreaded. After all, I am in Medschool, how can I have so much time watching series or even marathon one?! This has given me bad consequences, things that I hope never to have shared with anyone. Like, not actually able to study on my quizzes, loose my sleep which in effect lead me to wake up late, leaving no time to actually ready myself for the day (shower, breakfast and packing my stuff for school).

It was dreadful yet, I don't feel that much dread once I got settled in for the day.

Okay, speaking of Awkward, this is why I wanted to post something today. Let me just place in a timeline. I marathon-ed the first season last Monday, and the second season yesterday. Today I have no quiz the following day so I am a bit careless. I decided I have time to internet, tumblr, twitter, pintrest and whatnot.

I miss being not stressful. I want to be able to write in this blog more. And just like Awkward, I don't think anyone would be reading this, well, anyone that I would know in my personal life anyway; and I hope it does not come to the point that someone in my personal life would actually read this.
Please do not judge my writing skills, I do not claim to be an author or a writer and I do not reread nor do I edit much of these posts of mine.

Let me just say that this week is quite the hell week. It is quiz after quiz after quiz EVERYDAY! tomorrow is a relief, a relief that would have to be used for our reports on friday. UGH!!!

Prevmed is getting cool for me already, I like our professor so even though it is this subject, I can actually tolerate it, unlike the Family Prevmed. Now, I only have the ClinEp subject to have to annoyingly deal with. I HATE RESEARCH!!! So may things to have to write about and DEFEND! Sure, it is the core of improving our future but it is just so annoying. I have these moments of actually thinking that research is worth it, but that only comes after the research is done. I AM SUFFERING DURING ITS COURSE.

By the way, I lost my phone after or maybe even during the Foam party. It's annoying and I hate having to tell mommy that I lost my phone but i am glad to actually have lost it. I did not really like that phone, sure it has endured many accidental falls but it is just so damn difficult to type in that small screen. I have big hands/fingers and it's touch screen. So do the math because it equals annoyance.\

What else can I talk about, now that my mind has been wondering about the past week[s].

Korra is back btw! YAYYYYY!!!!! And I love her new look! The short hair thing gives her the impression of physical power. Plus Korra was fighting in a earth kingdom fight ring. (see how my mind makes easy connections and references).

Anyway, I guess that is it for now. I hope that in the next post I would write something shorter because I would only be writing about my day. (Which shouldn't be too long nor exciting)

P.S. I felt like this is only one-sixth of the rants that I never tell anyone, even my closest friends (but sometimes my sister).

To dissect or Not to dissect?

We started dissecting people (dead person) last week. Today is the second time I would be dissecting on a cadaver.
It's weird because I am having fun, but apparently I am not doing a good job at it.
I just dissected the Intrajugular vein because I though it was the carotid sheath. I was wrong and I feel like a great disappointment.

I want to be a surgeon someday but looking at my performance today, am I right for that field of Medicine?
Or maybe it's still too early for me to say?
Or is it the right time for me to see if I am better at other fields of Medicine?

I don't really know, and this is just bugging me.
Hopefully I would find my answer sometime soon.
Ciao.

Being a Fujoshi and Medschool

Wow, can i just say how long it has been since i write something here. I think that was too long of a time.

Today is a Monday, but tomorrow I have no classes because of the end of Ramadan. I have some time to relax and surf through the internet. And it was during this harmless surfing of the internet that I realized that I want to watch anime.
This is a dilemma, well this is something that should be easily solved but because of my desire there is a conflict of interest. You see, if I watch anime, I would be using a lot of time when I could be doing my assignment in Histology or study for Biochem or research for PrevMed.

I know my priorities and that is why I am writing in this blog.

Yup, I definitely know my priorities (btw, I am being sarcastic)

And these shows are shounen-ai material or sports anime and they are such great shows and it makes me happy. BUT I have subjects to study, and cells to draw and chemical compounds to memorize.

I was just thinking how hard it is to be a Fujoshi in Med school.

IT IS SO DAMN FUCKING DIFFICULT.

Especially when there are really good shows on air right now. I can't help but let them load and then watch the episodes. BUT I MUST NOT. Time is VERY VERY precious.

Btw, did I mention I am studying to be a doctor, to get my MD, especially since I already got my RN. *winks*

Well, that has been my life since. Back to school in Med school.

Slash Shipper

Remember the time when I said that I was a closeted yaoi shipper? Well, right now (well actually a few months ago, wow it has really been a long time since I posted here) I am a proud slash shipper. It is just so much easier to read slash ships and when I meant slash ship I mean BL, I’m not yet the world of yuri which I am hoping a line I will not cross just yet. There are much better stories for BL anyway especially in archiveofourown.org.

And these days (I mean months) I have been fangirling over Bagginshield (Thilbo). I just don’t know why but I am so attracted and addicted to their pair. It has become one of my home base fandom (aside from the second generation Harry Potter).  This means that in whatever fandom I am currently obsessing over, when there are some gaps, I usually go back to these fandom and read fanfics, search fanarts and view musicvids. It makes me happy dammit. and this durin line of idiots, they just have this direct line to my feels and tears.

Also, I don’t usually say swear words, but recently I have been learning to. It’s very unlady-like but heck, I’m not a lady (not a proper one with the etiquette and the pinky and chin up kind of lady). I should really stop saying these swear words but I am under the impression that it makes my sentences more colorful and more passionate dammit.

Anyway, what I am actually doing right now is trying to get my writing mojo because f*cking thesis dammit. It is crushing my soul and my sleep. I know I have been procrastinating, this piece of shit but asdfghjkl. I hate thesis and I hate this so much, I just want to get it over with. Just one hour of defense and it will be done. It would either be a fail or a success (I am sorely praying for a successful one). And I hope anyway who would be reading this would also pray for my soul. Yes, my soul is at stake here. I don’t mean to dramatic but I swear the sanity of my soul might as well depend on the outcome of this f*cking defense. Ok maybe I should not be so dramatic. I am just so freaking nervous.

My heart is hammering and beating so fast, or is it just the 3^rd coffee of the night.

I have been also thinking of my lying. I keep on spouting white lies. Some of them are no big deal, but that is where it all starts. These white lies are baby steps. And these baby steps grow and develop to man steps and I don’t want that to happen but apparently my brain is locked on to the thought that “it is no big deal”. I need to do something about this.

I just realized that I am taking baby steps in lying so why don’t I take baby steps in telling the truth also!

Wow, writing down thoughts can really help. Maybe next time a research should be done about these journals. It probably has.

Ok. I really need to start on the final manuscript. So ciao.