7/28/2014

To dissect or Not to dissect?

We started dissecting people (dead person) last week. Today is the second time I would be dissecting on a cadaver.
It's weird because I am having fun, but apparently I am not doing a good job at it.
I just dissected the Intrajugular vein because I though it was the carotid sheath. I was wrong and I feel like a great disappointment.

I want to be a surgeon someday but looking at my performance today, am I right for that field of Medicine?
Or maybe it's still too early for me to say?
Or is it the right time for me to see if I am better at other fields of Medicine?

I don't really know, and this is just bugging me.
Hopefully I would find my answer sometime soon.
Ciao.

Being a Fujoshi and Medschool

Wow, can i just say how long it has been since i write something here. I think that was too long of a time.

Today is a Monday, but tomorrow I have no classes because of the end of Ramadan. I have some time to relax and surf through the internet. And it was during this harmless surfing of the internet that I realized that I want to watch anime.
This is a dilemma, well this is something that should be easily solved but because of my desire there is a conflict of interest. You see, if I watch anime, I would be using a lot of time when I could be doing my assignment in Histology or study for Biochem or research for PrevMed.

I know my priorities and that is why I am writing in this blog.

Yup, I definitely know my priorities (btw, I am being sarcastic)

And these shows are shounen-ai material or sports anime and they are such great shows and it makes me happy. BUT I have subjects to study, and cells to draw and chemical compounds to memorize.

I was just thinking how hard it is to be a Fujoshi in Med school.

IT IS SO DAMN FUCKING DIFFICULT.

Especially when there are really good shows on air right now. I can't help but let them load and then watch the episodes. BUT I MUST NOT. Time is VERY VERY precious.

Btw, did I mention I am studying to be a doctor, to get my MD, especially since I already got my RN. *winks*

Well, that has been my life since. Back to school in Med school.


9/29/2013

Slash Shipper

Remember the time when I said that I was a closeted yaoi shipper? Well, right now (well actually a few months ago, wow it has really been a long time since I posted here) I am a proud slash shipper. It is just so much easier to read slash ships and when I meant slash ship I mean BL, I’m not yet the world of yuri which I am hoping a line I will not cross just yet. There are much better stories for BL anyway especially in archiveofourown.org.

And these days (I mean months) I have been fangirling over Bagginshield (Thilbo). I just don’t know why but I am so attracted and addicted to their pair. It has become one of my home base fandom (aside from the second generation Harry Potter).  This means that in whatever fandom I am currently obsessing over, when there are some gaps, I usually go back to these fandom and read fanfics, search fanarts and view musicvids. It makes me happy dammit. and this durin line of idiots, they just have this direct line to my feels and tears.

Also, I don’t usually say swear words, but recently I have been learning to. It’s very unlady-like but heck, I’m not a lady (not a proper one with the etiquette and the pinky and chin up kind of lady). I should really stop saying these swear words but I am under the impression that it makes my sentences more colorful and more passionate dammit.

Anyway, what I am actually doing right now is trying to get my writing mojo because f*cking thesis dammit. It is crushing my soul and my sleep. I know I have been procrastinating, this piece of shit but asdfghjkl. I hate thesis and I hate this so much, I just want to get it over with. Just one hour of defense and it will be done. It would either be a fail or a success (I am sorely praying for a successful one). And I hope anyway who would be reading this would also pray for my soul. Yes, my soul is at stake here. I don’t mean to dramatic but I swear the sanity of my soul might as well depend on the outcome of this f*cking defense. Ok maybe I should not be so dramatic. I am just so freaking nervous.

My heart is hammering and beating so fast, or is it just the 3rd coffee of the night.

I have been also thinking of my lying. I keep on spouting white lies. Some of them are no big deal, but that is where it all starts. These white lies are baby steps. And these baby steps grow and develop to man steps and I don’t want that to happen but apparently my brain is locked on to the thought that “it is no big deal”. I need to do something about this.

I just realized that I am taking baby steps in lying so why don’t I take baby steps in telling the truth also!

Wow, writing down thoughts can really help. Maybe next time a research should be done about these journals. It probably has.


Ok. I really need to start on the final manuscript. So ciao.

4/22/2013

Discussion: The Truth is A Cave in the Black Mountains


This is my discussion on The Truth is A Cave in the Black Mountains. This is also part of my literary thesis and i hope that anyone who would have to undergo such torture and is assigned to use this story as well may benefit too. It's kinda like a summary but it conveys a deeper understanding on the main characters.

                        The story is set in a country that Neil Gaiman described as “a slightly skewed version of Scotland a few hundred years ago”. With its ominous grey skies, vertiginous cliffs, verdant grassy inclines speckled with the lurid yellows and vibrant purples of gorse and heather growing wild, Scotland is a beautiful country with such an inherent sense of isolation that few places in the modern world can match it. It’s a perfect setting for a fantasy or horror story that should be taken advantage. Revenge plays well with this setting as it gives the atmosphere of justice taken in the hands of man.

                        The protagonist of the story is a dwarf man, always mistaken as a child at first. They are usually treated as deformed and the understanding of people back then was harsh on the dwarf sized men. In the story the dwarf man encountered a girl who was leading a donkey with a tinker, it was stated “(she) who smiled at me when she thought me to be a child, and then scowled when she perceived me to be what I am, and would have thrown a stone at me had the tinker not slapped her hand with the switch he had been using to encourage the donkey”. The dwarf seemed to be used to it as he stated:

“It’s not a bad thing to be small, young Calum. There was a night when the Campbells came knocking on my door, a whole troop of them, twelve men with knives and sticks, and they demanded of my wife, Morag, that she produce me, as they were there to kill me, in revenge for some imagined slight. And she said, ‘Young Johnnie, run down to the far meadow, and tell your father to come back to the house, that I sent for him.’ And the Campbells watched as the boy ran out the door. They knew that I was a most dangerous person. But nobody had told them that I was a wee man, or if that had been told them, it had not been believed.” “Did the boy call you?” said the lad. “It was no boy,” I told him, “but me myself, it was. And they’d had me, and still I walked out the door and through their fingers.”

                        The dwarf man although takes advantage of his height, he is after all still a man and takes pride of being such whole-heartedly as when he was thought to be a child and would pay only the fee of one instead of a man’s fee in their way to a boat he said:

  “I am not as big as other men are, but I have as much pride as any of them. “I am also a man,” I said. “I’ll pay your shilling.”                    

At the start of the story, it was revealed that he had already taken his vengeance and it seems that the audience or the reader is asking him if he can forgive himself for what he did to Calum MacInnes and he says yes he could forgive himself but the one thing he couldn’t forgive was that he hated his daughter for over a year thinking that she had ran away from home to a city. But when he found out that his daughter, Flora, was instead murdered tied up to a thorn brush, he felt guilty for having accused her wrongly for the aximize she placed on their family and for the worry and tears his wife shed for their daughter. He realized it was not her fault that she died because it was clearly an act of murder.

  And so when he entered the cave in the Misty Isle, he asked for confirmation that it was really Calum MacInnes who killed his daughter. He then asked for an awl and a way to know when Calum MacInnes was sleeping. When Calum MacInnes was badly hurt and could not move an inch from the hawthorn tree by the ledge of the mountain, the dwarf man left him there just like how Calum MacInnes left Flora tied up to the thorn bush tree until after a year he would return. From here, the dwarf man has extracted revenge for Flora. 

      This story is considered to be a gothic, with its ominous and chilling description of the highlands. The mystery of the Misty Isle and why people do not go into the cave and take its gold is stated in the tale as:

“ . . . No. The cave feeds on something else. Not good and evil. Not really. You can take your gold, but afterwards, things are,” he paused, “things are flat. There is less beauty in a rainbow, less meaning in a sermon, less joy in a kiss . . .”

The spectre in the cave also gives its own explanation on how it feeds on the soul of the person who takes the gold as compensatory as stated in the story:

“And what do you take, for the gold you give them?”
Little enough, for my needs are few, and I am old; too old to follow my sisters into the West. I taste their pleasure and their joy. I feed, a little, feed on what they do not need and do not value. A taste of heart, a lick and a nibble of their fine consciences, a sliver of soul. And in return a fragment of me leaves this cave with them and gazes out at the world through their eyes, sees what they see until their lives are done and I take back what is mine.

The menacing tale gets more chilling as the vengeance of the dwarf man is foreshadowed by the old woman, they met, who could read the future of a man by their palms. It said that for the dwarf man “I see death in your past and death in your future; There is a woman in a tree, there will be a man in a tree” while for Calum MacInnes the old woman said “You return to where you began. You will be higher than most men. And there is no grave waiting for you, where you are going”. Her predictions on the two men prove to be true as the death in the past of the dwarf meant his daughter but the death in his future meant Calum MacInnes. This is as well as the woman in a tree, referring to Flora in the thorn bush while the man in a tree will be referring to Calum MacInnes by the hawthorne tree.

The prediction of the old woman on Calum MacInnes wherein that there will be no grave waiting for him does not mean that there is no death in his future but that when he dies, he will not be buried. For the dwarf man decided to leave Calum MacInnes by the hawthorn tree by the ledge of the mountain until Calum MacInnes starves and dies or until he returns after a year. Calum MacInnes will be returning to where he began meant that his quest for gold up in the mountain will be recurred, only this time he will be staying by the mountain up to his death bed by the hawthorne bush. For the year that the dwarf man’s family suffered, as well as how his daughter died drove the dwarf man to vengeance especially when the cause of the crime is within reach. 

Summary: The Truth is a Cave in the Black Mountain


Hi, this is a summary of The Truth is a Cave in the Black Mountain by Neil Gaiman. This was part of my literary thesis and probably the only part where in I really made with my own words (and without proof reading it). I just wanted to post this, to help any who wants to have a summary of this wonderful story, or novelette as some may classify it. The sentences in italic form where lifted from the story.
I encourage you, fellow readers, to read this story. It is so eye-opening and deep and very gothic in a way that probably we all may relate. Have fun!

                            The story unfolds with the narration of man, described as small and child sized, secretive and also unnamed. The man asks the reader if he thinks that he can forgive himself. And the man answered that he can, that he can forgive himself for what he did to Calum MacInnes but not for the year that he hated his daughter when he thought that she ran away. The dwarf man then sets forth to seek a cave on the Misty Isle where it is said to contain the entire gold. He then comes upon “a house that sat like a square of white sky against the green of the grass and the heather just beginning to purple” whose owner is Calum MacInnes. The dwarf man then asks Calum MacInnes as a guide to the cave, and after much bargaining, Calum MacInnes hesitantly agrees. With only a rope on Calum’s back and food and supplies in the dwarf man’s, the two set off up on the highlands.

                        During their travel they first meet an old woman who can read a man’s future though their palms. She predicted that the dwarf man “I see death in your past and death in your future; There is a woman in a tree, there will be a man in a tree” while for Calum MacInnes the old woman said “You return to where you began. You will be higher than most men. And there is no grave waiting for you, where you are going”. Her predictions on the two men prove to be true but with the twist and a shattering truth will be revealed soon.

                        One day, rain fell forcing the two to find shelter in a small croft house. There they meet the woman of the house who seemed fearful and hesitant to welcome the two strangers for her husband is away at the moment. The dwarf man and Calum MacInnes were able to convince the woman as the custom of hospitality is strong in the highlands that “strangers who ask for hospitality must be granted it, though you have blood feud against them and their clan or kind”. Although they were welcomed, the dwarf man became uneasy and early in the morning he woke Calum MacInnes to leave immediately. As they near the cave on the Misty Isle, some secrets of the dwarf man will be revealed to the readers. The dwarf man has special abilities, although small he can “run faster and longer and more sure-footedly than any full-sized man” he can run for how many days without sleep or stopping and is also stronger than he looks.

                        When the two reached the mouth of the cave, Calum MacInnes suggested that they rest for the night but refused to rest inside the cave. During the night, Calum MacInnes placed a blade under the dwarf man’s throat because of his growing suspicion. Through the dwarf man’s threat that if he dies, Calum’s family might be killed too by those who hired the dwarf man to get gold. Calum Mac Innes eases and puts his knife down. The following day Calum MacInned voices out his suspicions on the dwarf man, that he stronger than he looks and faster too. The dwarf man admitted so, and then there conversation shifted to if they ever killed a woman. Calum MacInnes denied that he would have ever killed a woman but the dwarf man knew wrong because he has heard a story of a woman with golden-red hair and a thorn bush. Indeed it was Calum MacInnes who tied the long hair of the girl by the thorn bush so that he may take her red cattle. It was not in another year that he came by and saw that the girl was still there but already dead.

                        The following day, the dwarf man was ready to enter the cave. Calum MacInnes told him to leave his dirk as it was custom. Once in the cave, instead of piles of gold and riches, the dwarf man only saw shadows and rocks although he felt that something was in the cave. Another secret was revealed, that the dwarf man was half mortal through his mother and the other, his father who came and went from the West. And it is because of this ancestry that he didn’t see the illusion of gold but what he heard was something else. A whisper came in his ear which revealed that people who have taken the gold from the cave gave something in return, “I taste their pleasure and their joy. I feed, a little, feed on what they do not need and do not value.  A taste of heart, a lick and nibble of their fine consciences, a sliver of soul”.

                        Instead of gold, the dwarf man wanted something else, he wanted to know who killed his daughter, his daughter who he once thought ran away to the city. The spectre told him that it was indeed Calum MacInnes. For a price, the spectre also gave the dwarf man an awl and a way to get past Calum MacInnes. When Calum MacInnes was sleeping, the dwarf man ambushed him. The two rolled off by the side of the mountain until they were stopped by a hawthorn tree not much larger than a bush by the ledge. Calum MacInnes cannot move his right arm and his leg broke during the fall. The dwarf man decided to climb up the steep mountain side, he was able to reach the top and once he did, Calum MacInnes shouted and asked if the dwarf man would come back for him. The dwarf man nodded, saying that he will get some rope for him. And it would be another year that the dwarf man would aximi his promise to get back to Calum MacInnes with ropes just as how Calum MacInnes went back after a year to see the golden-red haired girl he tied to the thorn bush. The same golden-red haired girl named Flora, who was the dwarf man’s daughter.

5/16/2012

My Social Internet Cave

so. this is just out of no where, i just suddenly had the urge to blog or write this idea.
so my classification of posting my feelings, ideas, events has its category.
The icons I have, though not all of them are being used frequently.
first up, there is Facebook.
- It is a very public place, so  i am very careful to post any status and upload of pictures.Though there are times i get careless or more frequently bored and thus defy the previous statement. So in this social network site, i usually use it to connect to classmates about schoolwork, and to those who are very far away from me like my parents and highschool friends.
next up, there is Twitter.
- In this site, i can't express my self too much because if the 140 character restriction in every tweet. Though i know brief and concise is better, i like writing paragraphs of my 'feelings' like what i am doing right now. But twitter is less public that my fb account, afterall, my parents does not have twitter, thank God! :)) Though my friends have, but it's still good, though i am still quite careful too. 
then there is Tumblr. 
-gosh, my account here is quite complicated. Me and my sister share the same account because she is too lazy to make her own account. I don't mind really until my other friends start following me and the things i reblog are getting weirder by the day (my sister is a fan of reblogging a lot in just a span of 10 minutes and to think she has unlimited internet and too much free time). So yeah, i still don't mind but then my friends asks questions that i feel uncomfortable answering because i classify myself as a closeted yaoi fangirl. No, not the extreme kinds, more like the BROMANCE kind, the epic friendship between guys, but my sister is really passionate when her OTPs, so i hope you get the picture.
and comes next is my Plurk.
-now this, my readers is the site where i usually plurk all my feels if i have internet.i don't have a lot of friends of have plurk. it's so easy to use. I love the feeling that the people i know won't be able to see it readily. In short, i am very free to post my ideas and feeling there. and well, i also am a 'fan' or was it a 'friend' already with my classmate in gradeschool who my classmates used to tease me with me,in fairness he was a really good friend of mine until all the teasing got to us :| (and well, wow kinda depressing one i read it again -__-)
oh and before i forget, Live Journal.
-real personal stuff i write in my account there, until a certain someone found out about it. And so i abandoned writing there and made that certain someone to never speak of the secrets i wrote there. (honestly, being found out i had an online diary, really embarassing >//<)
and right now, Blogger.
- I'm just recently a blogger so i usually just write on special occasions, or if i'm bored. i could also be writing because i am alone and i have internet. The thing is, not everyone knows i have a blog, only a handful. So pretty relaxing to write here too. :)
some of the websites I always visit :)

others that may or may not be considered as social networking sites (that i usually log in to)
Yahoo mail 
- This here is my base. Everything from my different accounts, when there is something going on, this is were they email me too. A great place for me to get updated. It is also used to send files to anyone. 
Fanfiction
-My account here is not really being used more than like the past years but i still wait for the updates of my story alerts which are being emailed to my yahoomail. 
Youtube
- I usually use my sister's account, kinda like a revenge for sharing my tumblr account but mostly because i also have the same taste for anime music videos, and she can find the awesome ones. Though i have uploaded two music videos already, one for TWGOK and Sherlock.
Deviant Art
- Not uploading pictures during this times, too busy to create art that i could upload for my ego (like what my sister is doing xDD) but i do am deviant watching several artists, and can't wait to read the next page of their comics. 

so those are the different sites i go to, i also go read mangas in mangafox.com and mangareader.com
great places.so i guess that's it. :)

5/12/2012

the Taurus Dog

wow, there has been a couple of bumps along the road of my summer class this year. Always a challenge to finish up the research paper and plus our menu planning. More on that soon, but first I want to share this article about those born in the zodiac Taurus and the year of the Dog, in short a taurus dog ;))

The Dedicated Taurus Dog Personality 

The honesty, friendliness and dedication of the Dog towards others is well known. The loveliness of their character is emphasized and illustrated in Chinese Astrology. People born in the Year of the Dog are thought to be gifted with the Dog's loyal, devoted and purposeful nature. A Taurus from Western Astrology is typically calm, self reliant and quite receptive. So a Taurus Dog personality is believed to acquire all these characteristics but most especially the dedicated spirit of the faithful Dog. The aloof cool influence from the Taurus symbolized by the Bull is softened by the thoughtfulness and kindness of the Dog. 

A Taurus Dog is usually cheerful and he or she tends to look at life with a good degree of optimism and alertness. You will rarely find these types daydreaming and not concentrating on events or people around them. The Taurus Dog is very observant and does not like to miss anything, he can also be a little nosy sometimes too. Their alert and responsible personalities make them ideal applicants for any job requiring concentration and accuracy. Some of these individual's may also have infinite patience and endurance in equal proportions from both animal influences in the personality. 

In personal relationships the Taurus Dog is prepared to be more flexible with his or her self reliance. They seem to approach love and romance with a more accommodating view to anything else in their life. These are exceptionally loving people who are easily able to separate and prioritize this area of their life from work and other commitments. A Taurus Dog adores feeling loved and wanted and craves affection. When they are in love everyone seems to notice their little glow. They will want to share everything with partners and can be both immensely passionate and romantic. Their flexibility, consideration and understanding help them form strong bonds with soul mates. 

Taurus Dog's enjoy their spare time enormously, while they are hard workers they look forward to relaxation. They will usually have many interests that help them unwind both in and outside the home. They are not choosy, they like to play or watch sports and like eating in or dining out. A Taurus Dog likes to occupy his leisure time wisely and most often prefers to spend it with their partner. They are sometimes just content to use the time to nothing more than relax, watch movies and eat popcorn. These personalities are fond of their food and appreciate its varied tastes. They like to experiment in the kitchen and often become quite expert at cooking. 

The faithfulness and loyalty of the Taurus Dog personality can sometimes be a weakness as well as an asset. This weak spot is their proneness to sometimes misdirect their devotion to something or someone. This weakness in their characters is mostly mild and does not usually cause any big problems. It mainly appears when a Taurus Dog is young and inexperienced in life skills. If they have good parents as guides this tendency can often be eliminated altogether.


so if you want to check out yours just go to this link and search for yours, or you can just google it and look for the result matching with this website :D
Go to Horoscope

It is accurate in some points but I can't really say that I am a particularly good cook, but I can attest to the fact that I am not a picky eater and that I love feeling loved and wanted. And I do have a lot of interests that give relaxation and  enjoyment, particularly my ships (OTPs).