Well, this is kind of embarrassing because
it was so corny and I don’t know it really felt weird and I was surprised. It
was a total shock. And wow I am stalling, even here—a type written document of
my realization. Really, let me spare myself more words, it’s 1am and I’m really
sleepy but I had to get this out.
It all started on the first wedding in our
high school batch. Yes, Gabby’s wedding just in case you don’t remember.
Misheda was right that this is kind of a big deal, I mean come on it was
marriage. A holy ceremony, bonded in the eyes of the Lord. Whew. And well, we
were only thirteen in our batch, so no surprise that some would like to always
keep in touch and stuff.
Only Misheda, Ingrid, Aldwin and I were
able to attend the wedding (that we were surprised was actually happening,
because we did not know). Well, anyway because aldwin was there, of course he
brought his bag of magic tricks and showed me some of the tricks during the
ceremony. One of the tricks required my hands, and well I had a déjà vu. A
sudden realization, like ‘what-the-actual-f*ck-am-i-thinking-of-this-is-not-me-at-all-shit-f*cking-hell’,
hit me. Yup, like a full on force tsunami wave of the above realization. And
what was it? Well, I remembered my dream.
I remembered holding hands, sleeping in one
bed kind of thing. With a guy, that I am to embarrassed to write his name
because ‘what-the-f*ck-IT-HAS-BEEN-SO-LONG-AGO’ kind of thing. And ugh, I hate
that I feel embarrassed about it so I decided I had to write it down. Know that
I maybe embarrassed but at least I am not embarrassed-to-actually-write-it-down
kind of embarrassed. What’s more is that it felt kind of titanic-y?! I don’t
now why I used that word but yes, totally that
jack-rose-holding-hands-in-the-icy-waters-of-the-atlantic-holding-on-for-dear-life.
Yesh, seriously f*ckng fluffy, and light and heart warming and sh*t :”|
And it scared me. It scared me how the
whole holding hands thing can be so powerfully emotional.
That’s what I only remembered in my dream.
I don’t know if I would still remember him in the future, if I read this entry
again. I hope I do.
That is it. That is the totally
embarrassing thing that I have been mulling in my head that I just had to write
down. I think it has something to do with “The Wind is Rising” movie by Ghibli
production. You’ll search about it for sure, or maybe watch it again, idk. It’s
a pretty solemn movie yet something about it speaks to the introvert and
romantic side of a person.
By the way, what is up with this day? I have
a headache and sore throat (I took paracetamol and it eased of the pain) and I cut
myself accidentally on my right ring toe (with the screen door) and my right
index finger (with my nail).
