9/29/2013

Slash Shipper

Remember the time when I said that I was a closeted yaoi shipper? Well, right now (well actually a few months ago, wow it has really been a long time since I posted here) I am a proud slash shipper. It is just so much easier to read slash ships and when I meant slash ship I mean BL, I’m not yet the world of yuri which I am hoping a line I will not cross just yet. There are much better stories for BL anyway especially in archiveofourown.org.

And these days (I mean months) I have been fangirling over Bagginshield (Thilbo). I just don’t know why but I am so attracted and addicted to their pair. It has become one of my home base fandom (aside from the second generation Harry Potter).  This means that in whatever fandom I am currently obsessing over, when there are some gaps, I usually go back to these fandom and read fanfics, search fanarts and view musicvids. It makes me happy dammit. and this durin line of idiots, they just have this direct line to my feels and tears.

Also, I don’t usually say swear words, but recently I have been learning to. It’s very unlady-like but heck, I’m not a lady (not a proper one with the etiquette and the pinky and chin up kind of lady). I should really stop saying these swear words but I am under the impression that it makes my sentences more colorful and more passionate dammit.

Anyway, what I am actually doing right now is trying to get my writing mojo because f*cking thesis dammit. It is crushing my soul and my sleep. I know I have been procrastinating, this piece of shit but asdfghjkl. I hate thesis and I hate this so much, I just want to get it over with. Just one hour of defense and it will be done. It would either be a fail or a success (I am sorely praying for a successful one). And I hope anyway who would be reading this would also pray for my soul. Yes, my soul is at stake here. I don’t mean to dramatic but I swear the sanity of my soul might as well depend on the outcome of this f*cking defense. Ok maybe I should not be so dramatic. I am just so freaking nervous.

My heart is hammering and beating so fast, or is it just the 3rd coffee of the night.

I have been also thinking of my lying. I keep on spouting white lies. Some of them are no big deal, but that is where it all starts. These white lies are baby steps. And these baby steps grow and develop to man steps and I don’t want that to happen but apparently my brain is locked on to the thought that “it is no big deal”. I need to do something about this.

I just realized that I am taking baby steps in lying so why don’t I take baby steps in telling the truth also!

Wow, writing down thoughts can really help. Maybe next time a research should be done about these journals. It probably has.


Ok. I really need to start on the final manuscript. So ciao.

4/22/2013

Discussion: The Truth is A Cave in the Black Mountains


This is my discussion on The Truth is A Cave in the Black Mountains. This is also part of my literary thesis and i hope that anyone who would have to undergo such torture and is assigned to use this story as well may benefit too. It's kinda like a summary but it conveys a deeper understanding on the main characters.

                        The story is set in a country that Neil Gaiman described as “a slightly skewed version of Scotland a few hundred years ago”. With its ominous grey skies, vertiginous cliffs, verdant grassy inclines speckled with the lurid yellows and vibrant purples of gorse and heather growing wild, Scotland is a beautiful country with such an inherent sense of isolation that few places in the modern world can match it. It’s a perfect setting for a fantasy or horror story that should be taken advantage. Revenge plays well with this setting as it gives the atmosphere of justice taken in the hands of man.

                        The protagonist of the story is a dwarf man, always mistaken as a child at first. They are usually treated as deformed and the understanding of people back then was harsh on the dwarf sized men. In the story the dwarf man encountered a girl who was leading a donkey with a tinker, it was stated “(she) who smiled at me when she thought me to be a child, and then scowled when she perceived me to be what I am, and would have thrown a stone at me had the tinker not slapped her hand with the switch he had been using to encourage the donkey”. The dwarf seemed to be used to it as he stated:

“It’s not a bad thing to be small, young Calum. There was a night when the Campbells came knocking on my door, a whole troop of them, twelve men with knives and sticks, and they demanded of my wife, Morag, that she produce me, as they were there to kill me, in revenge for some imagined slight. And she said, ‘Young Johnnie, run down to the far meadow, and tell your father to come back to the house, that I sent for him.’ And the Campbells watched as the boy ran out the door. They knew that I was a most dangerous person. But nobody had told them that I was a wee man, or if that had been told them, it had not been believed.” “Did the boy call you?” said the lad. “It was no boy,” I told him, “but me myself, it was. And they’d had me, and still I walked out the door and through their fingers.”

                        The dwarf man although takes advantage of his height, he is after all still a man and takes pride of being such whole-heartedly as when he was thought to be a child and would pay only the fee of one instead of a man’s fee in their way to a boat he said:

  “I am not as big as other men are, but I have as much pride as any of them. “I am also a man,” I said. “I’ll pay your shilling.”                    

At the start of the story, it was revealed that he had already taken his vengeance and it seems that the audience or the reader is asking him if he can forgive himself for what he did to Calum MacInnes and he says yes he could forgive himself but the one thing he couldn’t forgive was that he hated his daughter for over a year thinking that she had ran away from home to a city. But when he found out that his daughter, Flora, was instead murdered tied up to a thorn brush, he felt guilty for having accused her wrongly for the aximize she placed on their family and for the worry and tears his wife shed for their daughter. He realized it was not her fault that she died because it was clearly an act of murder.

  And so when he entered the cave in the Misty Isle, he asked for confirmation that it was really Calum MacInnes who killed his daughter. He then asked for an awl and a way to know when Calum MacInnes was sleeping. When Calum MacInnes was badly hurt and could not move an inch from the hawthorn tree by the ledge of the mountain, the dwarf man left him there just like how Calum MacInnes left Flora tied up to the thorn bush tree until after a year he would return. From here, the dwarf man has extracted revenge for Flora. 

      This story is considered to be a gothic, with its ominous and chilling description of the highlands. The mystery of the Misty Isle and why people do not go into the cave and take its gold is stated in the tale as:

“ . . . No. The cave feeds on something else. Not good and evil. Not really. You can take your gold, but afterwards, things are,” he paused, “things are flat. There is less beauty in a rainbow, less meaning in a sermon, less joy in a kiss . . .”

The spectre in the cave also gives its own explanation on how it feeds on the soul of the person who takes the gold as compensatory as stated in the story:

“And what do you take, for the gold you give them?”
Little enough, for my needs are few, and I am old; too old to follow my sisters into the West. I taste their pleasure and their joy. I feed, a little, feed on what they do not need and do not value. A taste of heart, a lick and a nibble of their fine consciences, a sliver of soul. And in return a fragment of me leaves this cave with them and gazes out at the world through their eyes, sees what they see until their lives are done and I take back what is mine.

The menacing tale gets more chilling as the vengeance of the dwarf man is foreshadowed by the old woman, they met, who could read the future of a man by their palms. It said that for the dwarf man “I see death in your past and death in your future; There is a woman in a tree, there will be a man in a tree” while for Calum MacInnes the old woman said “You return to where you began. You will be higher than most men. And there is no grave waiting for you, where you are going”. Her predictions on the two men prove to be true as the death in the past of the dwarf meant his daughter but the death in his future meant Calum MacInnes. This is as well as the woman in a tree, referring to Flora in the thorn bush while the man in a tree will be referring to Calum MacInnes by the hawthorne tree.

The prediction of the old woman on Calum MacInnes wherein that there will be no grave waiting for him does not mean that there is no death in his future but that when he dies, he will not be buried. For the dwarf man decided to leave Calum MacInnes by the hawthorn tree by the ledge of the mountain until Calum MacInnes starves and dies or until he returns after a year. Calum MacInnes will be returning to where he began meant that his quest for gold up in the mountain will be recurred, only this time he will be staying by the mountain up to his death bed by the hawthorne bush. For the year that the dwarf man’s family suffered, as well as how his daughter died drove the dwarf man to vengeance especially when the cause of the crime is within reach. 

Summary: The Truth is a Cave in the Black Mountain


Hi, this is a summary of The Truth is a Cave in the Black Mountain by Neil Gaiman. This was part of my literary thesis and probably the only part where in I really made with my own words (and without proof reading it). I just wanted to post this, to help any who wants to have a summary of this wonderful story, or novelette as some may classify it. The sentences in italic form where lifted from the story.
I encourage you, fellow readers, to read this story. It is so eye-opening and deep and very gothic in a way that probably we all may relate. Have fun!

                            The story unfolds with the narration of man, described as small and child sized, secretive and also unnamed. The man asks the reader if he thinks that he can forgive himself. And the man answered that he can, that he can forgive himself for what he did to Calum MacInnes but not for the year that he hated his daughter when he thought that she ran away. The dwarf man then sets forth to seek a cave on the Misty Isle where it is said to contain the entire gold. He then comes upon “a house that sat like a square of white sky against the green of the grass and the heather just beginning to purple” whose owner is Calum MacInnes. The dwarf man then asks Calum MacInnes as a guide to the cave, and after much bargaining, Calum MacInnes hesitantly agrees. With only a rope on Calum’s back and food and supplies in the dwarf man’s, the two set off up on the highlands.

                        During their travel they first meet an old woman who can read a man’s future though their palms. She predicted that the dwarf man “I see death in your past and death in your future; There is a woman in a tree, there will be a man in a tree” while for Calum MacInnes the old woman said “You return to where you began. You will be higher than most men. And there is no grave waiting for you, where you are going”. Her predictions on the two men prove to be true but with the twist and a shattering truth will be revealed soon.

                        One day, rain fell forcing the two to find shelter in a small croft house. There they meet the woman of the house who seemed fearful and hesitant to welcome the two strangers for her husband is away at the moment. The dwarf man and Calum MacInnes were able to convince the woman as the custom of hospitality is strong in the highlands that “strangers who ask for hospitality must be granted it, though you have blood feud against them and their clan or kind”. Although they were welcomed, the dwarf man became uneasy and early in the morning he woke Calum MacInnes to leave immediately. As they near the cave on the Misty Isle, some secrets of the dwarf man will be revealed to the readers. The dwarf man has special abilities, although small he can “run faster and longer and more sure-footedly than any full-sized man” he can run for how many days without sleep or stopping and is also stronger than he looks.

                        When the two reached the mouth of the cave, Calum MacInnes suggested that they rest for the night but refused to rest inside the cave. During the night, Calum MacInnes placed a blade under the dwarf man’s throat because of his growing suspicion. Through the dwarf man’s threat that if he dies, Calum’s family might be killed too by those who hired the dwarf man to get gold. Calum Mac Innes eases and puts his knife down. The following day Calum MacInned voices out his suspicions on the dwarf man, that he stronger than he looks and faster too. The dwarf man admitted so, and then there conversation shifted to if they ever killed a woman. Calum MacInnes denied that he would have ever killed a woman but the dwarf man knew wrong because he has heard a story of a woman with golden-red hair and a thorn bush. Indeed it was Calum MacInnes who tied the long hair of the girl by the thorn bush so that he may take her red cattle. It was not in another year that he came by and saw that the girl was still there but already dead.

                        The following day, the dwarf man was ready to enter the cave. Calum MacInnes told him to leave his dirk as it was custom. Once in the cave, instead of piles of gold and riches, the dwarf man only saw shadows and rocks although he felt that something was in the cave. Another secret was revealed, that the dwarf man was half mortal through his mother and the other, his father who came and went from the West. And it is because of this ancestry that he didn’t see the illusion of gold but what he heard was something else. A whisper came in his ear which revealed that people who have taken the gold from the cave gave something in return, “I taste their pleasure and their joy. I feed, a little, feed on what they do not need and do not value.  A taste of heart, a lick and nibble of their fine consciences, a sliver of soul”.

                        Instead of gold, the dwarf man wanted something else, he wanted to know who killed his daughter, his daughter who he once thought ran away to the city. The spectre told him that it was indeed Calum MacInnes. For a price, the spectre also gave the dwarf man an awl and a way to get past Calum MacInnes. When Calum MacInnes was sleeping, the dwarf man ambushed him. The two rolled off by the side of the mountain until they were stopped by a hawthorn tree not much larger than a bush by the ledge. Calum MacInnes cannot move his right arm and his leg broke during the fall. The dwarf man decided to climb up the steep mountain side, he was able to reach the top and once he did, Calum MacInnes shouted and asked if the dwarf man would come back for him. The dwarf man nodded, saying that he will get some rope for him. And it would be another year that the dwarf man would aximi his promise to get back to Calum MacInnes with ropes just as how Calum MacInnes went back after a year to see the golden-red haired girl he tied to the thorn bush. The same golden-red haired girl named Flora, who was the dwarf man’s daughter.